The Secret Diary of Robert Johnson

Guy Hands, Tin Ear, Sore Loser

2010-11-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

Now that's it's all over Mr. Guy Hands, let's face it, you behaved poorly. Get this, you were wrong. I'm sure you investment bankers know everything there is to know about money in the bank. But, this Robert thinks you've got a "tin ear," and that's never going to work in the music biz.

New Boss Not The Same As The Old Boss

2010-03-10T10:24:00.000-08:00

This Robert can't seem to keep EMI out of his blog. Now it seems that recently appointed CEO, Elio Leoni-Sceti, is history, and a T.V. man, Charles Allen, is the new boss.

Looks like trying to sell Abbey Road Studios and being sued by Pink Floyd for selling their music is worse than increasing sales, or are we witnessing the dawn of a new era? Is this the big clue that we're finally going to see a merger with the patient Mr.Edgar Bronfman's WMG? It seems Old Charlie has a history as Mr. Merger.

Music Apathy: Is it the Record Biz's Own Doing?

2010-02-26T10:21:00.000-08:00

According to industry analyst Russ Crupnick, the number of people buying music has dropped by 35 million from 2007 to 2009. Seems P2P file sharing has also declined. This is a classic case of MAD: Music Apathy Disease.

This Robert blames the established music biz for not focusing on new music. First, these companies are trying to sell the same music over and over again. Seems the only new music artists the major multinational companies are developing are the ones who have turned over all their rights in the "360" deal mentality. That's right, if the big companies don't own everything, no matter how good the music, it's not going to see the light of day if Mr. Big doesn't get his. It's not the smartest business plan, increasing profit at the expense of shrinking the market.

White Knight For Abbey Road Studios

2010-02-19T17:03:00.000-08:00

My, my, Mr. Andrew Lloyd Webber wants to buy Abbey Road Studios now that Guy Hands has EMI selling the family jewels. This Robert is wondering if Lloyd Webber is going to be the highest bidder. 'Cause that's what really matters when you're hocking stuff to pay off the man.

Everyone Gets It But Guy

2010-02-18T17:01:00.000-08:00

This Robert's been going on and on about Guy Hands and all those bankers trashing a jewel of a company, EMI, one of the last remaining stand alone music companies.

But Mr. Simon Duke has done such a splendid job of explaining just how bad this really is.

This Robert defers to him.

Guy Hands Pawns Abbey Road Studios

2010-02-16T16:17:00.000-08:00

This Robert thought he's seen it all, but now our Guy Hands is selling off one of EMI's treasures to keep the bank off his back. Abbey Road Studios is on the blocks. "Come on Guy," this Robert's saying "Give it up! You're in way over your head."

2 Billion, A Lot To Lose

2010-02-15T12:12:00.000-08:00

Well, well Mr. Guy Hands, how does it feel to lose 2 billion dollars? And you still have to come up with 120 million by June to keep the doors open. This Robert wonders, is anyone going to throw any more money down that dry hole? Especially when the head of EMI's recorded division warns you "that morale among the record company's staff and artists (and those artists' managers) was at an all time low."

Looks like that patient Edgar Bronfman is getting closer to his dream of buying EMI's record division. Plus, if this takes much longer, Mr. Bronfman might not have to pay much. This Robert remembers when Mr. Bronfman was going to pay big for the same thing. Instead Terra Firma bought it and saved WMG a billion.

Guy Hands Smart With Trash, Dumb With Music

2010-02-04T16:30:00.000-08:00

Mr. Guy Hands, I see you're busking. Trying to attract some fools into buying part of your music business folly.

I hear you're having the record company write a business plan, and then you're going to pitch it to investors. Let this Robert write the business plan. It's the same for every record company ever been: "Hits, Hits. and more Hits!" That's the only way that the storied EMI won't fall into the hands of patient Edgar Bronfman and his WMG.

Guy, being smart with trash doesn't make you a music man.

Sly Stone Fooled Again

2010-02-02T15:54:00.000-08:00

This Robert knows what it's like not to earn any $ from your music.

Sly Stone, what a sad tale of deceit and fraud. You claim you've been ripped off for the last 20 years, for 80 million bucks.

This Robert believes you. Your current manager, the mysterious Mr. Goldstein, not only fooled you. He fooled your former manager, the Mercantile National Bank, Sony Music, Warner/Chappell publishing, BMI, Soundexchange and the IRS.

I bet you didn't know in 1965 Jerry Goldstein and his posse ripped off the band name, The Strangeloves, from three Australian brothers, when they had their 1st hit. Dressing up in shaggy wigs and exotic clothing, they stole the shaggy brothers look too. Looks like Goldstein's at it again, when he stole Sly and the Family Stone from you. What a sad note for Grammy Day.

Beatles Bailout EMI As Usual

2010-01-15T11:36:00.000-08:00

What's a bailed out bank doing in the recorded music business? During the high flying days of banking, Citigroup loaned Guy Hands' company, Terra Firma, billions to purchase EMI. Neither company knew anything about music. As you can guess, things went south. The banking crisis and the music business collapse makes this loan look questionable.

Citigroup wants to get their money back. Selling EMI to Edgar Bronfman and his Warner Music Group is the easiest way to accomplish that. But that leaves Guy Hands and Terra Firma out in the cold. Seems Hands and his company wants to hang on and get better terms. So to continue to repay the huge debt, EMI had to meet certain monetary considerations set by Citigroup.

It seems EMI's recorded music division just squeaked by, and barely passed the bank's financial status test, so they can continue to operate for now. So as it has in the past, the Beatles catalog bails out EMI. This Robert wonders how long can this go on? So does the patient Mr. Edgar Bronfman.

Web 2.0 Eats Its Own

2010-01-05T12:48:00.000-08:00

Imeem, the popular music site, didn't even defend itself in court, and they lost big.

U.S. District Court Judge Denny Chin has fined the music site $1.77 million for copyright infringement. It seems The Orchard wanted Imeem to pay $150,000 per instance of infringement.

Imeem sold some of it's assets to MySpace, and folded. Imeem executives blame the lawsuit for shutting the doors.

How sad, the Web 2.0 music sites are eating their own. Please note The Orchard used copyright law just like the big boys. This Robert wonders if The Orchard is going to see any of this $?

Guy Hands, Sour Grapes

2009-12-14T09:21:00.000-08:00

Well, Well, Guy Hands you don't give up easily. Seems your company Terra Firma is suing Citigroup over the purchase of the EMI music company. You claim the banker, who lent your company money to buy a wonderful company back in 2007, lied to you. Your law suit also alleges that naughty Citigroup isn't lending EMI any more money so those sleazy bankers can make more money from patient Edgar Brofman's Warner Music Group by letting EMI go broke. Is this sour grapes Mr. Hands? Guy, I told you, you were in over your head. Your company paid too much, the economy tanked, and you don't know anything about the tricky music business. This Robert wonders, maybe Citigroup is right, someone else should be running EMI.

Guy Hands, Record Biz Casualty

2009-11-17T15:34:00.000-08:00

Well, well, Mr. Guy Hands, seems like you are another casualty of the record biz. Just like I warned you. It ain't as easy as it looks. What are you going to do now that Citigroup rejected your debt restructuring proposal? Looks like that patient Edgar Bronfman at Warner Music is finally going to gobble EMI up.

Ellen Degeneres, Music Deadbeat?

2009-09-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

My, my, this Robert is wondering about Ms. Ellen Degeneres.

She was announced as a judge on American Idol at the same time the record companies sued her TV show? It seems all

that music Ms. Degeneres dances around to, is being used without any permissions or payments to the record companies. What could the producers of her show be thinking?

Plain common sense dictates you must have permission to use music on TV. When asked why they didn't get permission, the show producers said: "they didn't roll that way?

This Robert's notes this must be a sign of the times, a music crook is promoted to a music judge.

Farewell Guitar Giant

2009-08-13T12:36:00.001-07:00

I finally get to meet Les Paul.

That's right, Les Paul passed today. The most precious experience for this fake Robert was playing a Les Paul electric guitar for the first time. It's some of the most fun you can have dressed. If you don't know much about this modern day guitar and recording genius, yes, people, Les invented solid body electric guitars and multi-track recording.

Check out this obituary.

GR8 MP3 Blog!

2009-07-10T10:14:00.000-07:00

This Robert has found a MP3 blog that works for him. Superfan2009 is all about GR8 music in the MP3 format. All the music at the site is free and legal, given away with the artists permission. Superfan2009 is all that. She's spending her time finding fine music for us music lovers, and she's spreading the word for a lot of worthy music makers. Check out Superfan2009.com.

Wigged Out

2009-06-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

This Robert apologizes. Phil Spector any wig is an improvement.

Who's Gonna Get the Money?

2009-05-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

This Robert is perplexed.

I like artists getting paid. I just wonder after seeing the Performance Rights Act pass in the House Judiciary Committee, how fair is this new law shaping up to be?

An outfit called SoundExchange was created in 2000 as an unincorporated division of the RIAA. In September 2003, SoundExchange was spun off as an independent and non-profit organization.

This Robert wonders if the money from taxing radio for the artist's performance is going to get to the recording artist. This Robert doesn't see any artists on the 18 member board of Sound Exchange, only record companies, lawyers, and RIAA officials. This Robert knows that money being paid to record companies doesn't necessarily mean the artist sees any of it.

Poorly dressed Phil

2009-04-15T10:15:00.000-07:00

I lost a bet to Blind Lemon Jefferson about the outcome of the Phil Spector murder trial. After watching L.A. juries find O.J. Simpson and Robert Blake not guilty, this Robert was sure the creator of the "wall of sound" would waltz out of the courtroom, not guilty of shooting that poor woman. But to my surprise, he didn't. Do you think Phil's look had anything to do with the jury's verdict? What's with the hairdo Mr Spector? I'd fire your fashion consultant before any more damage is done? Then I'd plan a vacation with Roman Polanski.

Neil, Caught in the Middle?

2009-03-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

Mr. Neil Young, I see you're caught in a technological conundrum. You want to show the auto business new ways with your wonderful electric car. I congratulate this bold step.

But when it comes to YouTube technology, Mr. Young, are you showing some old show business ways? Warner Music Group, your record company, is negotiating for more money for themselves by removing their music from YouTube.

This Robert agrees with their right to have your music removed. This Robert read your blog and agrees: "It is time for industry wide standards of artist's compensation on the web."

Robert just wonders how much truth there is in YouTube's response, "It is the record labels' responsibility to represent and pay their artists."

Mr Young, does this mean Warner was collecting money from YouTube and not paying you?

Ryan Adams vs. Jim DeRogatis, Verbal Heavyweights

2009-03-02T16:14:00.000-08:00

Man, I just heard the best rant ever. It was a performing musician sounding off on a music journalist's answering machine. Robert is truly amused that the journalist is Mr. Jim DeRogatis. You all remember, he took the 5th amendment at R. Kelley's pornography trial.

First, here's the review that set Ryan Adams off. Then here's what Ryan said to Jim De's answering machine. You decide who's got a case.

Ska Surviving

2009-01-21T09:58:00.000-08:00

Some good news, Ska music, one of my favorites, isn't dead.

The Specials, one of my favorite Ska bands, has reunited and are on tour in Europe.

The Uptones, my favorite Ska band, have released their 1st studio CD, Skankin' Foolz Unite.

It's Ska and It's gr8. It's such a shame there isn't even a Ska section in iTunes. What gives?

Is 2009 the year Ska gets it's due? This Robert hopes so.

Jobs Listens to Johnson

2009-01-08T09:42:00.000-08:00

Well, well Mr. Steve Jobs, this Robert is truly sorry to hear about your condition.

But I've got to thank you for finally taking my advice and going DRM free at your iTunes store.

Music is a world-wide open source language. It's about time everyone treated it that way.

U2 Flies High

2009-01-03T11:15:00.000-08:00

This is all so new, music performers getting paid in corporate stock.

And Yeah! U2 has made 19 million dollars from Live Nation, when they recently sold their shares in the monster concert promoter.

Bono, you've done well for yourself.

Now show us how smart you really are by doing something special with Live Nation's donation to you.

Warner's Pulls Out!

2008-12-22T14:21:00.000-08:00

I wonder, who's right, Mr. Edgar Brofman, boss of WMG or YouTube's CEO Chad Hurley?

It seems that the two can't come to terms about $. Those dreams of a digital payoff by each guy just aren't happening. YouTube isn't making enough money to be profitable. WMG isn't making the $ that Edgar thinks his music is worth. So I heard Edgar has pulled all the WMG music related videos off YouTube.

Mr. Brofman, you sure play hardball. So the question is whether you need YouTube as a merchandising tool, as much as YouTube needs your content to be a popular Internet destination.

Stay tuned, lawsuit among the greedy is next.

Bush Free Fugee

2008-11-25T16:34:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought I'd seen it all. A Black Man got elected President of these United States. Then comes the news that George W. Bush, the former hanging governor of Texas and now President of these United States has commuted Fugee producer John Forte's 14 year prison sentence for drug possession. They claimed Forté’s sentence for accepting two suitcases containing $1.4 million worth of liquid cocaine wasn't fair because of mandatory minimums for drug cases. I say good work Carly Simon freeing that boy.

Picture this

2008-11-08T11:33:00.000-08:00

My time in Nevada paid off. This United States got a new president I approve of! Now it's time I turn my attention back to the fight over some ancient photo of me.

I admit it's flattering to have these folks trying to figure if that's me in the photo that Steven “Zeke” Schein bought for $2200. That's a lot of $ for a picture. Now he's fighting with a bunch of my greedy relatives, I don't even know, about using the photo. I took my picture in a photo booth.

That's all I going to say. I just wonder if that's Jimmy Shines? I'm not sure if either one of us would be carrying a guitar that funky.

EVERYONE MUST VOTE!

2008-10-29T13:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry to go radio silent. I've been in Nevada helping the Obama campaign. I got so afraid this country may remain in the dark ages, I participated in my first election. After spending a lot of time listening and watching, I'm sure of my choice of Barack Obama. To realize this dramatic change for the better in our country, EVERYONE MUST VOTE! Humor this bluesman and make sure you vote in this election.

Dave Stewart's American Prayer

2008-08-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

Every once and a while this Robert is surprised by the power of music. Dave Stewart did just that. His song and video American Prayer is right on. The song is catchy and inspirational. It's loaded with people I know of and respect. The message is simple. I hope everyone sees this before November. This is important!

Tax Man Blues

2008-08-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

Just when this Robert thinks it can't get any more screwed up than it is already. Two news stories got me really concerned and riled up my principles.

The first one claims most of the top companies doing business in our country don't pay any taxes. Even though we're a country at war, and our citizens are paying with their lives, our country's businesses are not paying anything at all.

At the same time some of the states in this fine country are either taxing or going to tax digital downloads. Seems bleeding us music lovers more, is the solution.

I thought thinking like this ended after share cropping ended. What's happening here? I thought I knew this country, but I don't know nothing.

$700,000, and Nobody's Home

2008-08-04T17:23:00.000-07:00

Can you believe in this time of unemployment, no one will take a $700,000 job as the digital head of Sony BMG?

This Robert has seen some Sony BMG digital characters. They sure are a sorry lot. Do you know, Sony/BMG are dark ages. They don't even recognize the MP3 format?

Didn't BMG buy out and ruin Napster? And now I heard those same BMG worms are bailing out and selling their half of the recorded music company to Sony.

What losers.

Ludacris, True Blue

2008-07-31T10:31:00.000-07:00

Ludacris, I respect your concern for our country's future. The more people who get involved in this election the better.

I listened to your song "Politics: Obama is Here." You told the truth, just too truly. You've done good, but Obama has to distance himself from you.

Don't fret, my young rapper, your message is understood by all of us, and some of us don't judge your language . You aren't the only one angry at those political hacks, and we respect that you're brave and care enough to sing about your feelings.

Dead Presidents Talk

2008-07-16T15:01:00.000-07:00

Good news while I was running the rapids in my kayak.

Those wonderful Capital Records echo chambers have been saved.

You got to love it! Second Street, the developers, have agreed to a number of efforts to preserve these works of art.

According to a statement released by the EMI music group: "The agreement will protect the acoustic integrity and operations of the Capitol Records Studios and ensure it continues as one of the world's premiere recording facilities, as it has for more than 50 years." Plus, this old Robert, heard the developers will pay $100,000 to promote the studio within the recording community. As usual it's the dead presidents that do the talking.

Trent Shows "Discipline" At The Crossroads

2008-06-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

Mr. Trent Renzor, you continue to prove you're the master of this new medium called the World Wide Web. Posting the free Mp3 "Discipline" @ last.fm has proved you know how to spread the word and keep your fans happy.

Sign Petition, Save Endangered Echo Chambers!

2008-06-23T15:52:00.000-07:00

They're finally listening to old Robert J. out there.

Here's a link to a petition to save the Capital Records echo chambers.

For any of you who haven't read my earlier ramblings. These echo chambers are an important part of our civilization's musical culture. So, please sign up to help these defenseless rooms designed by the late great Les Paul. I know they're not as cute as seals, but they your need help.

R. Kelly, Free At Last

2008-06-13T14:43:00.000-07:00

R. Kelly, you got justice. They found you not guilty.

Now that's some welcome news, just hard for me to comprehend. This isn't the America I knew. I never saw a black man with a hairdo getting let go by a jury of eight whites and four blacks. That's unheard of, even if it was in big city Chicago.

Please R. Kelly, you got to fill me in, I don't want to feel super old timey. What's that urine thing all about?

Jim, take the 5th.

2008-06-05T08:50:00.000-07:00

Jim, Judge Vincen Guaghan has it right. If you don't want to testify, don't hide behind the Illinois reporter's law. Go to court and take the 5th. You watched the child porn, doesn't that make you a little guilty? If you're going to rely on your constitutional rights, choose correctly and don't self-incriminate.

Jim DeRogatis Down The Crossroads With R. Kelly

2008-06-04T08:36:00.000-07:00

Mr. Jim DeRogatis, ducking the court system just ain't that smart . If you're so righteous, why act like you got something to hide? Are you the Chicago version of Chuck Phillips, another sleazy news phony? Or are you the concerned citizen, who blew the whistle on child porn? Looking into your heart is tough, it's so small. So, I got to remember what Ryan Adams said to your answering machine. Then my simple mind wonders if it's your answering machine, how did the world get to hear it?

Welcome Ma.

2008-05-26T11:53:00.000-07:00

Yes indeed, that's Ma Rainey. To those of you who might not know, she's the Queen of the Blues.

Now she's back. She got a computer, and a broadband connection, and now she's got herself a blog. Damn the world is better with Ma back. You got to love her attitude. They'd call her a feminist these days, she was called outrageous back then. Plus she's always had a mouth on her. And nobody I knew could party heartier than Ma, man or woman. Here's one of her best songs in the MP3 format.

2008-05-09T13:00:00.000-07:00

Well, well, Mr. Lamar Sorrento, you're quite a creative character. I love your pictures, especially the one you did of this handsome devil.

And I've always loved your music. So, I almost tripped over my kayak on the way out the door to send you $ for your latest recording.

I want one of those free watercolors you're giving away with your music. I think combining your arts is brilliant. What a great combination painter and musician! Plus, I sure envy that Rickenbacker you own, it sounds like a living thing on your records.

Trent Reznor, Free At Last

2008-05-06T17:10:00.000-07:00

I just got to admire you, Mr. Trent Reznor. You got the long view. You're a music biz pioneer. You are giving away your new recording for free to your fans on the WWW. I listened to your new music, and I know you're going to make a lot of your fans very happy. Now what would old Doug Morris think? Or that broke Steve Gottlieb? Mr. Trent Reznor, you're the one who's laughing now.

Les Paul, Thank You, from the Inventor of Rock and Roll

2008-04-30T17:22:00.000-07:00

I got to admit this Kayak is trickier than I pictured. But don't you worry, this Robert can swim.

I just learned a very important fact about those endangered Capital Records echo chambers. These magnificent sound rooms were designed by Les Paul.

This is as close to a shrine as you get in the grimy record world of L.A. It deserves national monument status, not 93 condos.

Save The Echo Chambers

2008-04-23T14:31:00.000-07:00

It just snowed, maybe my last snow day, but don't worry about this Robert, I just got a kayak.

Before I go hit the slopes, I must agree with an RIAA company for the first time this year. I think EMI should save the echo chambers in the Capital Tower. These echo chambers are unique, and they would be a loss to the world of music if their character changed.

SonyBMG Jives Clive

2008-04-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

Well, well, is nothing sacred in the music biz. Clive Davis has been deposed as ruler of the SonyBmg kingdom.

It seems although his company is selling records, it's not making enough money to justify Clive's rumored 10 million dollar salary. SonyBMG realized by demoting Mr. Davis and canning his lieutenants, they could save money without emptying the building.

Now that the logic of removing the big salaries to survive has entered the major labels' thinking, I just wonder who's next?

Sony BMG Piracy Hypocrites

2008-03-31T16:26:00.000-07:00

Okay, Okay. Just when I thought I seen it all. Along comes the story, that Sony Bmg corporate servers are using pirated software. Where's the pot calling the kettle black here? Can you spell hypocrite?

Sony Bmg are making a company policy of using pirated software, while their bully boys, the RIAA, are suing innocent single parents.

Let's hope they don't bury this story, the way they buried people's computers that just wanted to play Sony BMG music.

Virgin, Panties and a Billy Goat

2008-03-27T15:31:00.000-07:00

Now, I don't want to be cross-Robert, but just when I was going to get an afternoon of boarding in, late season style, Billy Corgan and his pack pick today to sue Virgin Records for using some of their songs in an Amazon.com and Pepsi marketing campaign.

Now I just have to sit here and say something, before I can go hit the slopes. That got easy when Pumpkin Jimmy Chamberlin, talking about his record company said, "Seems they have long forgotten how to actually 'work' for a dollar." Til then I was having trouble commenting on millionaires trivial bullshit.

But then Pumpkin logic spoke to me. The Pumpkins sound like a ho complaining about her pimp trying to market her used underwear. I just got no time for shit like this when the snow's melting.

Number 9, Number 9

2008-03-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

It's been some fine powder this year. I just love snow.

It seems client #9, the man who brought the major labels to their knees, has stumbled over his own little head, and now he's the one on his knees.

I got to say, the ex-governor ain't cheap, he didn't skimp on his playmate. "Pay for play" has taken on new meanings.

Plus it's shameful how many record executives are rejoicing over today's resignation of Eliot Spitzer.

Ska, 24 x 7

2008-02-21T13:26:00.000-08:00

Very brave, Uptones. Very brave indeed. You posted your entire CD on the WWW. How unconventional, it is in today's music scene, to believe in your music like this. What a magnificent art statement! "The Uptones 24 x 7." Just think about it, I can learn to love your music at my own pace. I already love your dog. What's his name?

Reznor's Revenge

2008-02-21T09:53:00.000-08:00

Mr. Trent Reznor, revenge is sweet, and I know you're really enjoying it.

It seems you blogged about this on your website.
You're just sitting back watching as TVT Records – the record company that tortured you – is now being tortured by the system.

I know you're enjoying seeing the first plantation owner you worked for being closed down. That Steve Gottlieb sure made your life as an artist famous, and then unpleasant.

Now it seems bankruptcy court has made Steve Gottlieb famous. Don't worry, unpleasant to follow.

Boss: -1, Grammys: 0

2008-02-05T16:03:00.000-08:00

While I was boarding, It looks like Mr. NARAS Portnow has succeeded in finessing the Grammy Award Show past those poor striking writers.

Neil, good job, the record industry, already in the toilet, does need its big night. So what did you have to give those poor picketers anyway?

I just hope for your sake, this year's show doesn't suck as bad as when you tried to resuscitate poor Sly Stone. I was just wondering why did you snub the Boss? He had a #1 record this year, and he's not on American Idol.

I'm Boarding, NARAS is Pimping

2008-01-18T14:42:00.000-08:00

The snow is good. But it looks like NARAS is pimping. So, I had to half pipe up.

That's right. Neil Portnow, Grammy man himself, insists the show shall go on, so he's plunging ahead with this year's show, writer's strike or not.

I ask the Grammy Musicians: does this help creativity and art or your bottom line?

Mr. Grammy Man, those clever words you're using don't hide the fact that you're feeding yourself and stabbing the WGA in the back.

Beyonce and Dave Grohl, shame on you too. Crossing a picket line is bad juju!

Guy Slices Paul's McCartney's Pink Slip

2008-01-16T09:38:00.000-08:00

This snowboarding thing has got me. I'm spending all my time getting goofy. I wonder if Guy Hands at EMI is getting goofy, or if he's got the right line down the music business' slippery slope?

Mr. Hands is a financier with no music business history. His fortune came from investing in pubs and waste management. The current music industry is littered with the corpses of good business men who didn't get the record business. Since the mass manufacture of the 45 rpm records, successful record companies bribed disc jockeys and cheated recording artists. Guy, exactly how are you going to correct that?

Mr. Hands, did you hear Paul McCartney called your company boring? Damn, that's the pot calling the kettle black. Your company made Sir Paul a zillionaire and now's he's dissing you. Is he a spoiled artist or a realist?

Sony/BMG's Baby Steps Retarded At Best

2008-01-08T10:00:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I've been so quiet, I've been on vacation, then I got snowed in.

I see there's been no shortage of stupidities while I was snowboarding. I can't fault Thomas Hesse, the Sony/BMG music man, for trying get with it. I just wonder who's giving him advice. The big music company is finally seeing the smarts of DRM-free music, but with their new plan, a buyer has to get a gift card at a store. Why not sell these online? As retarded as this plan is, for the kings of encryption this is a step forward, albeit a baby step.

Sony/BMG your catalogue is still available on DRM-free CDs, in spite of your company's obnoxious efforts to encrypt the world. Why not sell all your music in the MP3 format?

I got a secret for you, here's how Sony/BMG could get on top of the music business again:
Stop concentrating on the reselling your old music and start bring the public some new music!

My Turkish Bluesman

2007-12-14T08:49:00.000-08:00

Ahmet, my Turkish bluesman, your memorial concert was the best. The Zeppelin was flying high. It was special!

The world should see this beautiful event dedicated to your memory. But concert footage from attendees is being yanked down from YouTube. There were plenty of people who couldn't make it to the show, who would like to share a little of the tribute to you. But it looks like the soul of your concert is being twisted. At first it looked like Warners Music Group was continuing their heavy handed approach to the Internet, but that ain't true.

It seems the greedy band is planning selling a DVD of the concert, and they don't want the clips to soften sales. Was this the real plan all along? Using your treasured memory to market a DVD? Well I guess once you're gone you're fair game for this bunch.

I've Got To Talk To Steve Jobs

2007-12-06T17:29:00.000-08:00

Hey Mr. Jobs... those shiny music boxes your company created are driving recorded music into the hands of the people faster than the established music business can even imagine. I never benefitted from this "jukebox/radio" mindset of the last 60 years, so watching the "biz" unravel don't bother me much.

But Mr. Jobs... you're rich and powerful enough, so don't let your ego get the best of you. You and Mr. Woz have finally gotten even with those music guys for the debacle at the US Festival. You've kicked Doug Morris and Clive Davis's asses solidly.

But now let's think about the music. Is music one of those open source languages or not? Why does it seem like the French get this? And if you really believe music should be DRM-FREE, why don't you just do it?

Steve Jobs, you're the man who could FREE MUSIC NOW. Please don't disappoint history and culture just for a few more iPod sales. Or maybe you ain't much different than the carpetbaggers you've displaced.

Doug Morris At The Crossroads

2007-12-03T08:56:00.000-08:00

Old Doug Morris, they sure are picking on you.

And you got such a fine singing voice, too! Doug Morris, you're a rare occurrence these days. You're a music man running a major label. That's why your company is doing so good.

I like when you stand up for us musicians, but I'm concerned you're using your business powers too harshly. From what that fellow from Nine Inch Nails says, it seems you like his website, but ya don't like letting Mr. Nails' fans mash up his music. So you put the kabosh on it.

Trent Reznor claims you put the hurt on his project because of some guy in your legal department. I know the history of the music business is fraught with lawsuits, but let's look at your pretzel logic, Mr. Morris. 'Cause you're suing MySpace, NIN music fans can't have fun foolin with NIN music. These fans have the blessings from the writer and the artist, it's your lawyers who are stopping this site from happening.

Shame on you, Mr. Morris! You're letting your legal department stop the growth of musical creativity in the name of legal confusion.

I Met The Devil At The Crossroads

2007-11-26T16:15:00.000-08:00

I made the deal: fame and an early grave. The dying at 27 wasn't hard. Jimi Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison... they all honored their deals. Dying that young ain't a curse, it's a blessing. Living for 27 years, some on top of the world, was fine. It's good to know when it's going to end.

But Sylvester Stewart, you're truly cursed. You cheated at the crossroads. Sly Stone, you had it all before you was 27. You're just a tortured soul now. The Devil don't have to do anything! Fool, you're doing it to yourself with the devil's candy. If you ain't gonna die, at least don't get on stage acting simple.

Bankers Can't Sing

2007-11-15T16:34:00.000-08:00

I gotta speak up when it's business music, not the music business.

So... how come the banks own all the music these days?

Hey Guy Hands, if bankers are so smart, how come Facebook is valued higher than all the major labels combined?

No Hard Feelings

2007-11-13T16:40:00.000-08:00

First, to those rock musicians who got rich stealing my riffs... I THANK YOU. I sure appreciate the fame you gave me, and I surely don't need the money you made off of my songs. I just wish I could have played one of those fine electric guitars.

Next, Ahmet Ertegun... I thank you for discovering the Led Zeppelin and Ray Charles. Plus, my Turkish blues man, if you got to go, backstage is as good a place as any.

Hey, Mr. Edgar Bronfman... ain't DRM the dumbest thing? Those Led Zeppelin CDs you're selling don't have any DRM. So ain't it like closing the hen house door after all the chickens have run out? Unless... you are the fox?